Tuesday, 26 January 2016

I hate Bing

Have you seen Bing? It's a newish CBeebies cartoon featuring a young rabbit named Bing who lives with a little stuffed animal thing named Flop who isn't his dad, but does sleep in the same bed as him. In fact, all of the 'children' are anthropomorphic animals and all of the 'adults' are stuffed toys. It's pretty weird.



Now, when it comes to Cbeebies, I was surprised at how tolerant of it all I am, as I figured I'd find it all insufferable nonsense. As it turns out, I like the shows that teach the young viewers something (Something Special is ET's favourite, Andy's Dinosaur Adventures or that Show me Show me one are also pretty good); I like the shows that are fun whilst also having good morals (I'm particularly fond of both Timmy Time and Octonauts, because what's not to like about deep sea adventures featuring a cat with an eyepatch?). I dislike the shows that are just gibberish nonsense (In the Night Garden, Abney and Teal, Waybaloo) because I don't think they teach ET anything and I worry they'll actually make him dumber by watching them.

The Octonauts. Real heroes. 
But the show I hate above all others is Bing.

Bing is animated. Bing has all sorts of incidental details that make its world feel more believable, even down to the plug sockets, which I usually love in animation. Bing has stories that mostly make sense and have a moral to them. ET loves Bing. So why do I hate it?

Because Bing is a whiny, petulant little shit.

Being an annoying little shit. It's a Bing thing.
Most of the episodes revolve around Bing discovering something new, being a selfish brat about it, ruining said thing for everyone, whining about it, then learning his lesson. The episode then wraps up by telling you this all over again, only in about 30 seconds (why couldn't the whole episode be this long?). Flop then says "(whatever the story was about)...it's a Bing thing". So if the story was about, I dunno, dog poo (I swear I saw an episode about dog poo once), Flop would go 'Dog poo...it's a Bing thing'. Like Bing owns the monopoly on dog turds? He's a greedy punk.

"Bitch, I know you didn't just eat my goddamn cake!"

In one episode, Bing discovers a butterfly. He is told to be gentle with it. He is told to share it with the other children. So what does Bing do? He kills it. He crushes it in his hand and kills it. Admittedly he does this accidentally because not only is he selfish, whiny, petulant, greedy and annoying, but he's also clumsy. His odd stuffed toy carer Flop then explains death to Bing. Now, it is an eventuality of life that you will, at some point, be introduced to death. I don't really think a cartoon for very young children on CBeebies is the right place to do this. Surely ET could have gone a few more years without having to learn of his own mortality and the frailty of all life? It definitely shouldn't have been introduced to him by a bloody cartoon rabbit so cack-handed that he brutally destroyed a beautiful, innocent butterfly, once again ruining everyone's day.

Cold blooded murder. It's a Bing thing.
In another episode, Bing 'accidentally' steals something from the local shop. Honestly, I reckon he's just a deviant tiny criminal and should be sent away for the remainder of his days.

Also, one character, a baby panda named Pando (imaginative), walks round in a nappy all the time. WHY IS THIS CHILD NOT WEARING TROUSERS? SOMEONE CALL SOCIAL SERVICES! I reckon Bing steals and hides them. He looks like a bully.

You're next, frog!
So yes. I hate Bing. I wish I could say it was just because I thought it teaches kids bad behaviour and animal cruelty but, really, it's just because I personally think it's bloody awful and I cringe every time ET asks to watch it.

Inexplicable hatred of a cartoon rabbit. It's a daddy thing.

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3 comments

  1. Haha! I do have to agree that he's whiny and I pointed out to my husband the other day that flop doesn't half faff around with him. The amount of 1 on 1 time is absurd, at what point is flop trying to do the hoovering or ironing a basket of clothes?
    Although my youngest love it (he's nearly 2) and it keeps him very entertained, I do love his voice though and he is pretty cute but I think the whole sentiment of the adult/kid sizes are based on how children perceive themselves - I swear I read it somewhere and I thought 'makes sense.. kids think the whole world revolve around them' haha!

    Imogene x

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    1. Hi Imogene

      I'd not heard that but it does sound about right given how self-centred he is! ET loves Bing so I don't mind putting it on for him, but I'm much happier when he asks for Octonauts! ;)

      Thanks for stopping by and have a great day!

      Stephen

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  2. I'm so happy that I'm not the only one hates that big eared annoying Shit. Where are the parents? What age does bing mature and become sexually active? Will he be like real rabbit and bang the Shit out of anything that moves? Has Bing never noticed he's bigger than flop and he could beat him up?
    When a rabbit becomes sexually active, if you've put it in with a guinne pig the rabbit would bum it in to next week. So would Bing try and bum flop because he's a small sack of shit.(I'm calling flop this because I don't know what he's supposed to be) these are burning questions and I'm desperate for answers. Please help

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